One More Time With Feeling
by Barista06
Summary: Divorce - The final termination of a marriage. After a six year broken marriage to Jacob ends, will Bella be able to start a new life with her son, Austin? Will she find a new love? ExB-AH-AU-cannon pairings-OOC
1. prologue thingy

"_There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self. " Aldous Huxley_

You never think about it when you are the one its happening to. Life is so damn unpredictable, and its so hard to make the right decisions, it is easy to end up in the same position as me. I stood at the door of my apartment taking everything in. Austin was with Jake for the weekend, and I was alone, to sulk at the sudden loneliness I felt. I could only hope that life was going to take a turn for the better now.


	2. This is Why we Fight

"Excuse the hell out of me, but do you mind repeating what you just said to me, Jacob? Because I think I heard you wrong." I turned out of the large window I had been looking out of for the last five minutes to look at my russet skinned husband of six years, who, fumbled into our bedroom blurting out some very upsetting and life changing news..

Jake lowered his gaze to the ground, and started kicking the ground like a little kid does when they are in trouble. "I slept with Leah."

"That is what I thought you said." I spat while I walked over to the closet and started to pull his clothes out, throwing some of them forcefully towards him, while my emotional tears started to stain my pale face. I grabbed one of his shoes, "SIX" and threw it at him, and it smacked him in the shoulder. I grabbed the matching shoe "YEARS" I tossed that one at him too, hitting him on the head.

"WASTED, all for my secretary?" I screamed at him, and in my rage I started shrieking and tossing wooden hangers at him.

"AGH!" I grunted with frustration. "Jacob I can't be near you right now, you need to be out of the house by tonight, other wise I am going end up slitting your throat. I would hate to have to explain to Austin why mommy killed daddy." I spat at him, and he visibly flinched.

Jake slowly stared gathering some clothes in his bag, pausing and looking up at me with a heart breaking frown upon his face. "But, I love you Bells." he all but whispered.

I was on my way out of the room and I had to stop, I couldn't even face him. " There is no way you could love me and fuck another woman. I am going out, you better be gone by the time I come home with Austin." I growled to him, slamming the front door on my way out.

* * *

I drove around the busy Seattle streets for nearly an hour, when a business caught my eye. _Hale Divorce Attorney. _I walked into the office and chatted with the lawyer, he was a very handsome southern gentleman with deep brown eyes and beautiful curly blonde hair. As I was leaving I grabbed his card and noticed a photo frame sitting right next to it. It had Mr. Hale, and a petite woman with short spunky hair, it looked like a wedding picture, and she looked like a ball of energy just from the picture.

"Thank you, Mr. Hale. I will be giving you a call within a few days to set an appointment." I stood to shake his hand.

"Your very welcome mam'" He drawled.

I turned to walk out of his office when something dawned on me. " You wouldn't happen to know Rosalie Hale, would you?" I asked casually.

A smile appeared across his face. "Yeah, she is my cousin. How do you know her?"

"She is my son's second grade teacher." I smiled at him, "Have a good day Mr. Hale."

* * *

As I sat in the school parking lot waiting for Austin to get out of Ms. Hale's class, I tried to think of how everything was going to pan out. I'd let Jake keep the house, it was too big for me and I had no attachment to it at all. I hoped he wasn't going to put up a huge fight over Austin, I am willing to work out a shared custody with him, he was an awful husband but a good father to Austin.

Things were never ideal for us, at least in my opinion. Jake had been my childhood best friend, and our families pressured us, or me, together. It felt comfortable to be with Jake, he was a good friend and generally a good guy, but things never felt right, I never felt 'head over heals' for him. Jake managed to convince me though at seventeen , that we belonged together, nine months later, our son Austin was born. Now I love my son to death, however, I felt like I was obligated to marry Jake, I've always been happy with Jake, but I always felt like I was settling with him. This is why I had no problem leaving him, it was my sign. It hurt to know I wasn't enough for him, but it gave me peace to know I was going to be free from an obligation to be with him.

"Hi mommy!" Austin greeted me as he opened the squeaky door to my rusty red truck. I looked at my son and let out a sigh, he was a perfect mixture of Jake and myself. Austin had my curly cherry brown hair, and my heart shaped face, but had the tanned skin, button nose, full lips, and deep black eyes of Jake.

"I sweetheart," I leaned over and placed a kiss on his little chubby cheek. "How was class today?" I turned the key, while he buckled up and I took off toward our house. "Good." He replied simply, while shoving his favorite veggie tales cd into the player. While he sang along to the tunes, I though about all the stuff I was going to have to do in the next few months, and I decided giving a call to Jake would be a good idea. We needed to figure out living arrangements, and when he would be aloud to see Austin. We pulled into the drive way, and thankfully Jake had left. Austin had noticed this as well.

"Where daddy go?" Austin asked, staring at Jake's parking spot like his car was going to appear out of thin air.

I sighed, "Daddy is having a sleep over with one of his friends baby, he wont be home tonight." I lied to him, not knowing how to tell my son that mommy and daddy are getting a divorce.

"Oh." he said simply as he walked into the house and immediately started playing with one of his hot wheels.

"Austin, you have a spelling test tomorrow. Please go and study before you play. I will be in shortly to quiz you on your words." I told him sternly, while he huffed a mumbled 'okay' at me.

I walked into the office/ library where I usually spent my time. All of the books in there I had spent my whole life collecting them, and I have read each and everyone of them. The only thing Jake owned that room was the very pristine desk, matching book shelf and décor, which he could keep. Everything in this house was decorated very extravagantly, not my tastes at all, Jake loved showing off his money, he some slightly vain tenancies, but that is how he always was.

I pulled out my phone and called his number, after the third ring he picked up. "Bella?" he said in a hopeful whisper.

"Jake, please don't get your hopes up, I simply can't do us anything, that was just the tip of the iceberg for me. I am calling to let you know, I already have a lawyer. You get the house and everything in it, the only things I will be taking with me are the books, my computer, my family heirlooms, and Austin." I paused to see if he had anything to say, after a second of silence I continued, "I am willing to work out a joined custody if you are nice, otherwise, I will go for full custody. I am about to start searching for an apartment. I want this to be easy Jake, so please do not make the situation any worse then it has to be." I breathed out.

There was a long silence on the phone, and I could hear Jake's saddened breaths on the other end. "I can't say this makes me happy Bells, bu.." He started to say but I cut him off

"If it doesn't make you happy, the you shouldn't go fucking random women when you are married." I spat at him.

I heard him growl in frustration at my outburst.

"Jake, you have _**NO RIGHT**_ to be angry with me." I was not going to allow him that emotion, he was the one who betrayed me.

He let out a sigh, "I am sorry Bella, you are right. This is all my fault." he admitted.

"I'll make this as easy as you want Bella, but if you fight for full custody, I will fight you twice as hard." he warned.

"Well, lets hope we don't have to put Austin in the middle of this." I added solomly. "I'll be in touch with you when I make an appointment with the lawyer. I'll let you know when Austin and I move so you can come back to your house. Bye Jake." I hung up the phone before he could add anything else to the conversation.

I walked into the kitchen, to find my adorable son, eyebrows knit together, sitting at the kitchen table with a pencil in one hand, scribbling furiously while the other one is holding the paper down.

"Hey sweetie, you ready to be quizzed on your spelling?" I asked while I walked passed him, running my hand through his unruly curls.

Austin looked up at me with wide eyes, "Not yet momma! I need more time!" He said in a panic.

"Okay, okay let me know when your ready, I'll be getting dinner ready for us." I laughed as I kissed the top of his head.

"M'kay."Austin went back to furiously scribbling on the paper.

I walked over to the fridge and pulled out the hamburger meat I set out to thaw this morning, and started to brown it in the skillet, I didn't know what I was going to do with the meat this morning, but now I figure tacos would be a good and easy dinner for the two of us tonight. I finished browning the meat just as Austin was done studying his words, I quizzed him. He missed two of the ten words.

"alright baby, we will eat, but after we eat I want you to practice writing the words you missed ten times each, and I will quiz you on those last two words, and then we will be done, okay sweetie?" I said as I put the finishing touches on our dinner and made our plates.

"'Kay" he said as he eagerly took a big bite out of his taco.

The boy could eat a lot, but that was good, because he was growing and I love to cook. We finished our dinner, and I quizzed him some more, and released him to play when he got the two words correct.

"YAY!" He yelled as he went into the living room constructing ramps for his mass collection of hot wheel cars.

I chuckled and went to clean up, and put away left overs. It was still fairly early, only six o'clock, so I decided to make the call to Jasper to set an appointment this week. I got his answering machine, I expected that much, I left him a message and made a mental note to call him in the morning, when I got into the office. Working tomorrow is something I was not looking forward to. I had to face Leah, my brand new 19 year old secretary that my husband found the need to have sex with. I may feel happy to be free of Jake, but that doesn't mean it doesn't make me feel like I was not enough for him. It made me feel like I had been doing something wrong, and obviously I had if he felt the need to turn to her, and her young, very fit body. Granted I wasn't large by any means, I took care of myself and worked out to get rid of my baby fat, but I still had the very curvy figure of a woman who has given birth. I also had some stretch marks still that haven't gone away and that made me feel self conscious. I bet Leah's beautiful tan skin had no flaws. I sighed, the only thing I could do is make work a living hell for her and hope she quits, I had already planned on firing her, I had a new very promising person lined up for the position, but I didn't want to make it look like I was firing her for having an affair with my husband.

The night passed by quickly, and it was time to make Austin shower and get ready for bed. As I was tucking him in, he decided to ask me 'when will daddy be home?'

"Sweetie, that is a difficult question to answer. Your daddy and I are not getting along." I said.

Austin's bottom lip poked out and his eyes started to water "He isn't my daddy anymore?"

"No no no! Baby, no. He is still your daddy. We are just going to be sharing you now, you and I are going to move soon, But I promise you he will still be your daddy and I will always be your mommy."

He looked at me like I was crazy and I was talking gibberish. "I don't get it."

"It is difficult to explain, you will understand eventually sweetheart. For now though, I want you," I said as I gave him a playful grin, while grabbing his knee "To get some sleep you little goober" I started to tickle him.

Austin's little giggles filled the air and soon both of us where laughing so hard we were crying. I hugged him and kissed his head. "Okay baby, you need to get to bed. I love you so so so much." I said as I tucked the covers in all around him.

"I love you too mommy." I smiled, with his eyes slowly drooping. I flicked the light switch as I walked out of the room, leaving the monster truck night light glowing in the room.


	3. Make No Sudden Movements

**An: Alright, this story just came to me while I was at work today, and I felt it flowing through my veins. I was in a very depressed mood, and for some reason writing seemed to pull me out of it. This is what you get, I don't expect to abandon my other story, but there are just somethings I need to figure out for it before I continue on it, I've lost focus for it. :(**

**Please let me know what you think of this story, I am feeling very proud of this one so far. Love you all.**

* * *

**CH. 2 Make no sudden movements.**

"_Every man who knows how to read has it in his power to magnify himself, to multiply the ways in which he exists, to make his life full, significant and interesting."_

_Aldous Huxley_

Things were progressing well, Jake was playing nicely. I had made a new friend in Austin's teacher Rosalie. She informed me the Jasper was a wonderful choice, he was nearly the best in town for his price. Rosalie and I had gotten lunch a few times on the weekends, and her friend Alice, who happened to be Jasper's Spunky wife, joined us a couple of the times we had lunch. I was glad to make some girl friends during this transition in my life, I had left all of my high school friends behind after I got pregnant, and I had no one to talk to about things. I really wasn't big on girl talk, but I did like to get things off of my chest and get over them, and it also was good to feel close to someone in these crazy moments of life.

Rosalie informed me, when I was talking to her about moving out, That the apartments she was living at were impeccably clean and affordable. I decided to take a look into a three bedroom apartment.

"Is it just you and your son moving into the apartment Mrs. Black?" The apartment consultant asked me.

"Well, first off, please call me Ms. Swan or Bella." I begain, " and Yes, I want the extra room a study or a guest room."

"Oh well that makes since. I can offer you right now the 3 bedroom 2 bath for 850 a month. It is a great deal, and for 50 dollars more you can have the upgrade which includes hard wood floors, new kitchen appliances, and granite counter tops." The consultant began "The deposit is only 100 dollars right now, for a holiday special, and if you sign the lease now, you can move in whenever you want, we have an apartment ready."

"That sounds perfect really, It looks clean, and I like the deal of the update. It is all very affordable on my single mom budget. Lets go sign the lease, I am eager to move, and get settled here, plus I am excited to be close to my friend Rosalie." I blurted out in a hurry, I was very ready to move out already and start life as a single 24 year old woman. I signed the lease, and my move in date was exactly three days from now.

_Moving in, in three days. Care to assist?_

I shot a text to Rosalie and Alice, my new friends.

I was still cautious of them, trusting people was not my best quality. However, I isntantly felt attached to these two wonderful women.

Rosalie, was a very confident woman. She stood almost six feet tall, with long blonde hair, deep brown eyes, just like her cousin Jasper. She had to be a confident woman for her height. She was quiet but opinionated.

Alice on the other hand stood a good 5 feet 2 inches tall. She was shorter then me, however, her large bubbly personality made up for her lack of height. She had no problem speaking her mind, or telling us what she was thinking.

Alice was the owner of a independent coffee shop that was booming. It had the reputation of being a great place to study for all of the college students and a great place for new musicians to get some publicity and fans. She was very successful and very very personable to all of the customers, she had a few employees and some people to run the shop a few days a week so she could take a few days off a week.

I was honestly blessed with Alice and Rose in my time of loneliness. While I had my son to keep me company, I could talk to those two girls without filtering and get everything off of my chest. These girls listened to everything. When I dragged Rose to Alice's coffee shop and broke down in front of both of them telling them everything that was haunting my thoughts. The thoughts of feeling like I was not enough for Jake, thoughts that stemmed from that and made me feel like a horrible mother for depriving Austin of his father every day. I tried to let Jake have him every so often but I was feeling like the over protective mother, and letting him have Austin every three or four days.

Jake had also explained to Austin what was going on between the two of us. It was a difficult situation for a seven year old to understand, but I think for the most part my little brave boy was taking it well. I explained to him every single night at bed that the parting of his father and I had nothing to do with him, and every time, he would nod his head gravely, and fall into a deep sleep before he could dwell on the thought.

* * *

Moving day had walked in on us unexpectedly. I had been stealing boxes from Alice's coffee shop to move books and clothes and some other furniture that Jake was willing to part with. I was aloud one couch and all of Austin's bedroom stuff, as well as all of his clothes. Austin would be taking a permanent residence at my apartment for the time being, I had a bit more of a lax schedule compared to Jake's and had more time to spend with and take care of Austin.

After I had gotten everything settled into the bare apartment, I decided to take a nap on my naked mattress. I plopped down onto the bouncy bed and laid sprawled out willing my self to magically fall asleep, even though I still felt a surge of energy running through my bones. I had issues falling to sleep, I closed my eyes and tried to convince my body that sleep is exactly what I was wanting. After about 30 minutes of rolling over ten different times, while my mind is going 20 miles an hour about life, I decided to get out of the house and do some reading. I grabbed the nearest book to me, which happened to be my copy of withering heights, and headed out of the door. I had no idea where I was going, the apartment was located near a lot of local businesses, so I ended up going into a few of them for window shopping. After about an hour of wondering around, I decided to make my way into a little coffee shop, to get some tea and read my book. I had no idea if Alice was working or not, but either way, I was still looking forward to some time reading. I went to the registar and noticed the guy ringing looked no older then 17 with a very 'hip' looking shaggy hair cut, and a lip ring in place. I placed my order for a earl grey tea with some cream in it. I think I saw my petite black haired friend flash by the door way a few times from the back room, but Alice never came out, so I just went to sit and read.

I grabbed a nice bouncy navy blue velvet covered love seat. There were some colorful pillows aligned nicely, that I stacked up against the arm rest so I could support my back while I read. I opened up to my previously book marked page and got two sentence in, before a screech attacked my ears and I was assaulted by a black haired pixie.

"BELLA!" Alice chirped, " I am so happy to see you! How are things going, with Austin? How is he handling everything?" She shot the questions at me, while I struggled to pick myself, and my book up off of the floor, where we had landed.

"Oh we are alright Alice, Jasper is doing a pretty good job settling everything, he is nice, but really stern." I started to say,while the mention of Jasper made Alice glow with pride. "Jake tried to play a little dirty at first, but Jasper wouldst let him at all."

"Yeah, my baby is really good." Alice bragged. "Oh Bella, Jazz, Rose, and I are going out with my cousin Emmett in a few weeks when he gets into town, you should join us. I know you need some new friends that have no connection to your old life."

"Oh I don't know, I have never been the kind of person who goes out a lot." I murmured a little embarrassed. It would be nice to get to know Alice and Rose better, but I didn't want to end up being the fifth wheel in their tight circle.

"Oh shush your silly little insecurities Bella, if you are that worried about it Rose and I will meet you up before hand and play Bella barbie, so you have no reason at all to feel insecure." Alice scolded me, but continued. " Not that I don't think your are drop dead beautiful now, but with a little cute out fit here, and some hair spray there, while your eye lashes are curled, you will be dragging all the men in the club minus Emmett and Jazz behind you."

Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me off of the floor, while fixing up her cafe. I sat back down on the bouncy love seat, and motioned Alice to sit next to me. "Alice I appreciate everything you, Rose, and Jasper are doing for me, it is making life tolerable. However, please don't feel the need to include me out of pity."

"Oh Bella stop being obtuse. Rose and I would not invite you out if we didn't want you to be there." Alice scoffed at my offer, while she exaggeratedly rolled her eyes. "I feel like your are going to be my best friend, I want to be your best friend. " She asked

"Oh alright." I gave in.

* * *

_Knock knock knock._

I heard someone banging on my door as I was hoping out of the shower. I tried to hurry and wrapp my hair up while throwing on my robe so I could be decent enough to answer my door.

_Knock knock knock._

"AH! Stop it!" I yellled. "I am coming."

_Knock knock_

it came across as if they were trying to patronize me.

I flung the door open to find the very tall amazon blonde dressed in a silky plum dressed that was gathered on one side, it was very classy and still very sexy . The short, black haired pixie dressed in a charcole grey vintage dress, was gazing into my apartment with a sour face.

"Oh no Bella, we are really going to have to help you decorate." Rose said with a scrunched up nose.

Alice merely huffed in exasperation. "I now have my next decorating task in line."

"Are you ready to be done up beautifully Ms. Swan?" Rosalie taunted me as she let herself into my apartment as if knowing where my room was located, dragging along a very hefty duffel bag full of only God knows what.

After about an hour they settled on a dress. It was a fitted tank top and gray on the top half, then the dress part was a loose black material. My make up was subtle with a brown smokey eye, and my hair fell into loose waves down my back. I felt more attractive then I have in a few years.

"Okay, Rose and Al. I hate to admit this, but you guys did some awesome work, I feel smoking hot. But I don't know if it is worth the torture." I appraised them while admiring my reflection.

"I am glad you feel confident Bella, cause Rose and I have a surprise for you." Alice started. "I invited my very single brother along, and have kind of set us up a triple date."

"Alice,"I groaned. " Please don't do this."

"Oh Bella it couldn't hurt to go have some fun, plus my brother is a great guy." Alice attested,

"Fine, but if this is awkward, I am going do designate you a babysitter for the next year when I decide to have a life." I caved

"DEAL!" Alice squealed as she jumped up and down excitedly.

I have no Idea what I just signed myself up for. But at least I could go into this feeling confident, and feeling like a hot momma.

* * *

**AN: PLEASE REVIEW. I don't care if that sounds desperate. **

btw the pictures of the dresses will be located in my profile. :)

**Seriously, I need lots and lots of reviews to continue writing on here. I am feeling like no one reads. If you read please leave even a review that says 'hey'.**

**Thanks guys!**


	4. I Don't Think So

"_Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings." - **Anais Nin**_

**CH 3: I Don't Think So:**

I in no way felt near ready to be dating again. I really just want to focus on rediscovering who I am as a person and what I am meant to do in this world. However, Alice was relentless and insisted I follow through on the triple date. I had no idea how to defend myself against Alice's very convincing methods, so that left me here, in the back seat of Alice's car.

I clasped my hands together, trying to avoid them sweating a lot. I had been set up, essentially on a blind date with Alice's brother. I had no idea Alice even had a brother, nor had any idea what he looked like, not that it really mattered a whole lot.

Alice drove in her custom painted bright yellow Chevrolet Cobalt Coup (_I know this isn't what she drives in the books, but I decided to go realistic. ) _at a rather fast speed. Before I knew it we were pulling up to the fancy bar. Alice parked in bfe, in two spaces to avoid door dings.

"How old is your car Alice?" I questioned, motioning to her multiple parking spaces. It didn't look like a new model.

"I have had my baby since I turned 16. I am just so proud of Ethel that I don't want any blemishes to damage her self esteem." She replied, sticking her nose in the air, proudly.

I chuckled aloud. "Alright then."

The three of us linked arms and walked into the high class quaint bar confidently together. Alice and Jasper were already married, and had been for 5 years now. Rose and Emmett were exclusively dating for over 2 years. The only single people in the group were myself and Alice's brother who was arriving apparently 'fashionably late'.

The two girls spotted their pairs and rand towards them greeting them with lavish kisses.

"Nice to see you in a casual setting Bella." Jasper greeted me with his charming smile.

"Hey Jasper, It is nice to see you out of your confident attorney element." I teased him. "However your wife is taking over my closet and planning all kinds of Bella barbie dates, I am sure." I thought about having to endure more days like this, and visably shuddered.

" That sounds like her" Jasper grinned from ear to ear proudly.

I was soon wrapped up in a constricting hug, "HEY!" The man I figured was Emmett wrapped me up in the hug "It is nice to finally meet you Bella!" he boomed.

"You too Em." I managed to barely squeak out.

After Emmett finally released me from his anaconda hug, we all grabbed a very large semi circle booth, with me on the out side, waiting for my blind date, who was becoming even more late. Alice and Emmett barely noticed he was late because the four of them were chatting away like high-schoolers. Just as I was about to say something to Alice, this tossled bronze haired God walked into the bar. He was wearing dark washed jeans slung low on his hips, along with a nicely fitted black and white stripped t-shirt. I took him in, not getting much of a chance to eye google men recently, he wasn't overly built like Emmett was, but he wasn't scrawny. His arms were toned, and his skin held a slight tan.

"EDDIE!" Emmett's boisterous voice boomed over the bar, as the incredible Adonis looked at him and walked our way. The two of them shared a comfortable side man hug, as Emmett patted his shoulder. Alice stood up to greet him, and kissed him on his perfectly chiseled cheek, forcing a adorable crooked grin to plaster across his face.

"Edward, This is Bella." Alice said motioning to me, while I gave him an awkward grin. "Bella, this is my brother, Edward."

Edward and I never actually said anything to each other. He look about as uncomfortable as I did. The scrawny waitress named Lauren made her way over, shoving her fake breast in Edwards face, "What am I getting for you guys today?" She asked in her superficial fake voice.

"We will take six tall Shiner Bock on draft" Jasper took the lead and ordered for us. "This is beer from my home state, you will love it. This is the only pub that has it on draft, or even in the bottle in the north west area."

The waitress came back with our dark cherry colored beverages, with a slightly white foam top. I wasn't much of a drinker, but if I did I loved a great beer. I took a very tentative sip of the foreign beer, and moaned aloud to the smooth flavor invading my mouth,

"Jasper, this is damn near the best beer I have ever experienced." I exclaimed

My out burst was met with a few agreeing gulps of the other five people surrounding me.

"Seriously, give them Texan's a big ass pat on the back for this one" Emmett chuckled as he finished off his.

"I hate beer, and this is by far the best tasting thing that is associated with beer" Alice agreed with a greedy gulp.

By the time the women were 1/3 the way done the men were already starting on round two. We were all having a great time, but I was keeping myself distant from the beautiful man known as Alice's brother. I was just in the mood to enjoy some time with friends, and other company.

"Bella, how about you tell us a little about yourself, I really don't know much about you." Emmett decided to make me talk.

"Oooookay" I dragged the response out, smiling, feeling the effects of one beer on me. "I am twenty four, and I work for the _Seattle_ Times _Newspaper. I love to write, and cook, and I absolutely love playing with my 7 year old son Austin." I admitted, cursing myself mentally for making it sound like a summary._

_I could fee the five pair of eyes burning a whole into my head, mainly one green pair in particular. I avoid all eye contact possible, keeping my eyes down cast towards my glass. I decided clearing my tall glass of shiner bock of all condensation possible, with my finger and my thumb was the best place for my concentration to go. The five of them continued talking as if I never spoke at all, which made me feel at ease. Every once and a while I would look up from my beer mug, and I saw Edward looking at me, but never in a interested stare, but more confused. I never cared the whole night to really make an effort to get to know him, we both seemed put off by the idea of being set up._

_I was drove home by a surprisingly sober Alice. I murmured a slurred goodbye to rose and Alice. having way too much beer then my body could handle, I blindly looked in my caotic purse for my keys, and eventually found them. I made my way into the apartment, tossing every excess item on the way to my bedroom. I threw my self onto my bed in a lazy manner and gave into sleep._

* * *

The inconsistent ringing of Ben Folds "You don't know me" woke me out of my death slumber.

"Ello? " I croaked into the phone, pulling the black cover over my eyes, shielding them from the evilly bright sun.

"Bella? It is 10 am, just seeing if you were still willing to pick Austin up today. I have no problem keeping him, he is just a bit eager to see you for some reason. " Jake said slightly bitterly.

"Oh yeah. I am going to pick him up at one, if that is alright with you." I manged to say coherently.

" 'Kay." He said, the I heard a click and a dial tone.

To say we were getting along would be an over rated statement. Jake was mad at me, and had been anything but been nice to me. I can understand why he is upset, but I will not sympathize, he brought it on himself.

I didn't give myself a whole lot of time to dwell on the mistakes of my past, I fell back asleep for a few more hours, but it was never a restless sleep. I woke up every 30 minutes or so. Eventually ten oclock rolled around and I hoisted myself out of bed to shower. I took my time in the shower, feeling fairly water deprived. I washed every inch of my body to appear better then I felt.

I wrapped my hair up and put my robe on so I could brush my teeth, and apply some makeup. I was no pro at make up, but I was about to pick Austin up, so I wanted to look fantastic when I ran into Jake.

I was extremely happy to be free of my marriage and relationship with Jake, however, I did spend the last 7 years in a very serious relationship with him. Everything still felt like an open wound with him. It hurt like hell to know I wasn't enough for him, and he felt the need to go seek pleasure from someone else, and that I was doing something wrong. But on the other hand what's done is done, and I've got to learn to move on.

After I decided I had applied enough make up to make me look a bit better then normal, I let my hair loose from the tight turban I wound up, and applied some curl crème. I hated to blow dry my hair, I felt like it did nothing but poof it out, and I loved the simple air dried waves my hair was accustomed to. I settled on wearing my dark low rise skinny jeans with my Arizona diamond backs fitted t-shirt. Phil, my mother's husband had sent this to me as a Christmas gift when I was 17. He was a player for the Diamondbacks, and was very proud of them. I didn't really care for sports all that much, but this was a fairly cute t-shirt and made me look good.

I decided I was satisfied on my clothes and makeup, I gathered my purse and headed to my ancient truck.

* * *

I pulled up into the long extensive driveway, to see the tall native American man, and my son waiting for me to pull up. I opened the car door and was almost assaulted with a hug from Austin.

"MOMMY!" my son squealed in my ear as I returned his eager hug.

"Hey, sweetie. How was your weekend?" I ask placing little kisses on his cheek, while his hands followed my lips, removing the 'spit' left behind.

"It was okay. I missed you." Austin managed to giggle out.

Austin was definatly a momma's boy, and Jake always hated that. I managed to sneak a look at my soon to be ex-husband. He had his head pointed toward the ground, with a pain stricken look on his face.

"I missed you too, lovely." I said placing one more smooch on his chubby cheek. " Why don't you go get buckled in and I'll go grab your bags."

" 'Kay" Austin said hoping out of my hug and towards the rusty red truck.

I slowly walked towards Jake who was looking me up and down. I managed to distract my gaze to the path I was walking so I didn't have to see the struggle on his face, it made it easier to walk away from him.

"Bella," Jake said while nodding his head in my direction. "Here's Austin's bag."

"Thanks, I am glad you were able to keep him this weekend. I know he enjoys spending time with you." I said, hoping to make him feel better about our son's obvious fondness for me.

"Thanks Bells." Jake smiled.

I grabbed Austin's bag and made my way back to my truck. I couldn't let Jake try and change my mind about everything with his large puppy dog eyes. "I'll be in touch." I said casually throwing him a fake smile.

* * *

**AN: Hey!! pleeeaaassee review. This story is not getting anything and that makes me fairly sad.  
Reviews are the next best thing to Edward.  
**


	5. The World Spins Madly On

_**AN: ohh man. Read + review = Happy Author.**_

**DISCLAIMER: Twilight is not mine. I wish. :P**

* * *

_Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear.  
__**John Lennon **_

* * *

"OH trust me Bella, He is my brother, and is totally transfixed on you." Alice scoffed on the phone when I laughed at her for trying to get Edward and I to go on another 'date'.

"Alice, I am sure you know your own brother. However, I can tell when someone is into me, and Edward never said a word to me the whole night. Not to mention I am not ready for any sort of romantic relationship at this point in my life. I just want my friends, and my son."

"But Bella.." Alice whined. "I have a good feeling about this."

"Not at this moment in life." I stood my ground.

"OH! Fine!" She huffed.

"I am not opposed to hanging out with everyone still, but I wont be pursuing your brother. Although, I do not mind ogling him, he is very attractive." I threw a bone at her.

"OH THANK GOD!" Alice shrieked "There is still hope."

I pulled the phone away from my ear, "GAH! Alice you are insane." I chuckled.

"Whatever, you know you love me. I'll see you at lunch."

"Toodles." I hung up.

I took a deep breath when I pulled into the parking space with my name on it. I have been to work since I learned of Jake's unfaithfulness, but it never got easier to see Leah. I was doing a good job at making her want to quit though, especially the first day I came back since the incident.

_I walked into the office, with a smug, and false confident smirk on my face. I wasn't going to give Leah the satisfaction of knowing she is a home wrecker, and for all she knew at this point, I had no idea about it._

"_Leah, where is my morning coffee? How do you expect me to be ready to work and proof read all of these soon-to-be books if I don't have my coffee?" I was having fun being bossy, Leah looked up from her desk with a panicked look. I was normally a really easy going boss, and never a bitchy one._

"_Oh! I am sorry Mrs. Black, I was unaware you wanted coffee." She started "What would you like?"_

"_That is no excuse, I need you to go get me a triple small breve vanilla latte." I scoffed. "And don't go to starbucks, I need you to go to that little indie coffee shop '__**Joie de vivre'. **__They are the best around."_

"_Okay." Leah said, as she got up from hair chair and made her way out of the office._

_The co-owner of __**Swan Publications**__,____ Angela made her way over to me. "Bella, what the hell was __that?"_

"_Well, she slept with my soon to be Ex-husband" I stated simply_

_the look of shock on Angela's face was priceless. "Whoa." she breathed out._

* * *

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

The obnoxious rapping of some one tapping on my window brought me out of my memory. I shook my head and opened the door.

"Hey Mike." I greeted the tapper.

"Hey Bella, so I heard your getting a divorce." He blurted out.

That stopped me dead in my tracks, I hated my personal life being public in my office, so the only person I told anything to was Angela. "Who told you that?"

"Well I over heard Jessica and Leah talking about it."

"Oh." _shit. _I mentally added that last part.

"So.. uhh.. Your single now?" Mike shuffled his feet on the ground bashfully, " You wanna go out tonight?"

"I am not interested in dating right now Mike, not to mention there is no office dating aloud." I replied knowingly. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to go to work, and so do you."

I pushed my way past Mike, noticing he was quick to follow me. Mike Newton had always kind of had a thing for me, I am not sure why, I was never nice to him. My only theory is that he likes a woman in power, and I was the owner of the company.

I pushed my way into the quaint office building, quickly walking into my own personal office, ignoring every ones glances and whispers. I hate being the center of attention, and that is why I wanted to keep my personal life just that, personal. However, when you have gossipy women in your office things are bound to spring up.

I figured Leah would find out soon enough, considering she is the home wrecker. My guess is Jake has been spending more time with her because of this.

"Bella?" Angela poked her head into my office while knocking on the warm wooden door, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah," I spoke, shaking my head clear. "What's up Ang?"

"You just look a little shaken up. I wanted to make sure you were alright?" she genuinely smiled at me.

"I am okay, Mike just bombarded me asking me if it was true if I am single lady." I rolled my eyes.

"Every one knows now huh?" I loudly sighed in frustration.

"Yeah, Leah told Jessica about it, and naturally the whole office found out within ten minutes. You know how Jessica is." Angela walked over to me and placed her hand on my back. "Why don't you take the day off. You have been working a lot lately and that is good for your stress level considering your situation right now."

"Hmm." I thought about it for a minute. "Yeah I guess I could do that. I'll go home and get the apartment cleaned and unpacked."

"Great." Angela clasped her hands together "You need some more time to relax. And don't worry Bella. Everything will run smoothly in the office!"

Angela was my only remaining friend from high school, and she was a great friend. However due to the fact that we are business partners, and I am her boss, I have to keep things professional. The company was my pride and joy, well next to my son that is. I am very paranoid about things going wrong when I am not there, therefor I am always there. I trusted Angela completely, and I know she can do the job as good as I can, but I still had withdrawal issues when I was away from work.

"Alright, call me if anything is going wrong, like if the building is on fire." I chuckled at Angela's apparent enthusiasm of getting to be head boss for the day.

I grabbed my khaki canvas messenger bag that doubled as my purse, and locked up the door leading to my office.

* * *

"I'll have the shrimp cream cheese pasta" I told the waiter who was obnoxiously winking at me 2 times a minute.

"I'll take your chicken caesar salad, and a cup of broccoli and cheddar soup please, and can I have two mimosas please?" Alice spoke revealing me of the awkward waiter.

"Sure thing, I'll be right back." The young waiter flashed what could have been a 'sexy smile' if he was 5 years older, and not some jail bait. He left Alice and I to enjoy a few more moments of uninterrupted conversations.

"So, Bella, there are some things I really don't know about you that I need to know, being your soon to be best friend and all." Alice boldly stated. "How long had you been with Jake?:

I spent the next 30 minutes waiting for food, sipping on our mimosas and telling Alice the past 8 years of my life.

"So you and Jake had been together for a while?" She asked with sincere curiosity.

"Yeah, we've known each other since I moved to Forks at fantastic age of 10. We were child hood best friends, and our fathers thought it would be great if we were meant to be." I laughed ironically. "Speaking of which I haven't told my father Charlie about anything."

The look of shock on Alice's face was priceless, "How could you keep your parent's in the dark, I can not even imagine keeping anything from at least my mother for 2 hrs."

"Well Alice, I am not as much of a talker as you, and my family likes to keep to themselves most of the time."

Before Alice could respond out delicious food arrived in great portions.

We ate our food, and talked about superficial things, just trying to get to know each other on a basic level. As I had guessed, Alice loved shopping. Alice also was a professional interior decorator and has decorated a lot of the local small businesses, including my favorite little coffee shop Joie de vivre.

"Oh I love that place, they are so genuine and a terrific place to go get away from the main stream life." I praised the little independent coffee shop.

"Well then, we will have to go there next time." Alice smirked knowingly.

I cocked my eyebrow at her arrogant smirk, "What's that smile for."

But Alice wasn't going to let me in on her secret, she simply mimed zipping up her lips and tossing away the key.

We ate the last of our food in silence and the waiter came by to give us our check, I went to put money on the table, but Alice shoved it back towards me.

"Tut tut, this is my treat Bella."

I narrowed my eyes at her, I hate people spending money on me. Before I could protest verbally, Alice changed the subject.

"So what time do you need to be back at work?"

"Oh I actually ended up getting the day off seeing as every one found out about Jake and I splitting up. I wasn't prepared for all the gossip because I hadn't told anyone." I explained

Alice's eyes lit up "Well then, we must go do some shopping for your apartment!"

"I don't know Alice, I was planning on cleaning and unpacking everything." I attempted to back out of shopping.

"Oh pish posh Bella, I insist. This is going to be my housewarming/ newly single woman celebration present!" Alice bounced up and down on the balls of her feet, making her short hair fly up and down with her.

"Nuh uh, I'll go shopping but under no circumstances will you buy me anything, lunch was enough." I stood my ground

Alice rolled her eyes but smirked at me, "If that gets you to come shopping, your easy to crack Bells."

* * *

Note to self: If Alice mentions shopping run for the fricken' hills, and run fast.

6hrs, a new couch, & new décor later we were done shopping.

_Thank god. _

The only thing that really irked me was Alice shoving me to the side so she could by the objects for me. We were exhausted, and needed some liquid caffeine. We decided to hit up my favorite little coffee shop before we called it a day.

Alice walked into the place like she owned it, and in fact just walked right behind the counter and disappeared.

"Alice?" I called after her, sporting a bewildered expression.

I saw her cute little head poke out from around a wall "Yeah?"

"What are you doing?"

"Oh I know the owner." Alice explained. "I'll be right back!"

_ookay._ I thought to myself

just as I had ordered a drink and got money out to pay for my earl gray tea with vanilla powder, a masculine hand stopped me.

"No friend pays here." A velvety smooth voice corrected me.

I looked up from my lashes, with a slight blush creeping up my face, to look at the owner of that voice.

"Edward?"I spoke with a confused expression.

"Hey Bella, welcome to my store" Edward smiled way to charmingly.

* * *

**AN: so dudes, if you read it would be greatly greatly appreciated for you to leave a encouraging review and let me know what your thinking.. **

**I'd feel a lot more motivated to update sooner.**

**Btw: **Joie de vivre **is a french phrase for **carefree enjoyment of life.


	6. Someday Soon

_:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:  
"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."_

_-Mark Twain._

* * *

_Jake,_

_I hate you with a fiery passion. I love that I got my precious son out of you, but other then that you were a waste of my time, a poison in my life, you held me back._

_I've never felt, more hatred for a person. You say you love me, but you don't even know what love consist of. _

_You. Are. Pathetic._

_I did everything in my power to make you happy, and neither Austin. nor I were enough for you._

_Fuck you, man. I am a beautiful smart woman, and our son is the best thing on earth._

_We never needed you._

_I was never yours,_

_Bella **SWAN**_

I scribbled out a scatterbrained letter to Jacob, that I never intended to give to him. I was getting to the stage were I felt bitter, angry, and jaded.

It was a natural progression, but I never felt like I deserved anything that came of our situation. Jake was a huge douche, and I did everything in my power to make him happy. If he wasn't happy then that was his problem and I was not going to allow him my guilt, anger or sadness. However, I felt like I brought everything on myself.

I wanted to move on and focus on figuring out who I am. I was someone who was lost in a marriage of 6 years, when 24 years old.

This is the point in my life were I should be living for myself, going out every other night, and having fun with friends flirting with strangers.

I was not living for myself, I lived for my 7 year old. It was not easy to be a mom so young, but I was never a selfish creature by nature. I 90% of the time only focused on Austin's needs, his school work, what he needs for lunch, making sure he smelled clean for school, excreta.

The other 10 percent was only making sure my publication business was rolling on smoothly.

With the divorce, I was able to take some more time off, and let Angela take a larger leadership roll. This helped me out in mass measures.

"Momma I'm hungry" Austin barged into my room wrapping his small arms around me.

"Okay sweetie, go work on studying your spelling." I kissed his for head. "I'll make spaghetti for dinner"

"YAY!!!" Austin yelled as he ran thought the house and started his studying.

I walked away from my Mac Book, to start dinner for the two of us.

30 minutes later, Austin and I sat at our wooden, two chaired dinner table. He had a wine glass filled with grape juice and I had mine filled with sparkling white wine.

" I love the meatballs you made mommy." Austin praised, shoving a forkful in his mouth..

"Thanks baby."

"So you and daddy, its the 'D' word isnt it?" He asked boldly.

"unfortunately baby." I admitted, amazed at how perceptive he was.

"I just knew this was happening." Austin said, minus a tone of surprise.

It broke my heart how much he knew without the explanation from Jake and I.

"Cara's parent's just went through the same." Austin offered as an explanation.

"I am sorry sweetie. You know I love you and would do anything for you." I comforted my son, patting him on the shoulder.

I cleaned up the dishes and put up the left overs, making Austin's lunch for tomorrow.

"Go to your room, You have30 minutes to watch TV." I told him sternly

Austin scrambled out of his seat eagerly, and ran into his room, as if not to waist precious television time.

* * *

Angela still insisted giving me a few days off. I guess the rumors around the office were still circulating. I was on day 3 of being off. I was getting very antsy, having nothing to do.

I pressed speed dial 4.

"Alllllooooowwww" The perky voice chirped on the end of the line

"Hey Al." I chuckled. "So I was kind of wanting to get a cup of coffee."

The ear piercing sequel was my response.

"WHAT?!" I asked rubbing my ears.

"I'll meet you there, silly. Am I that hard to understand?!" Alice feigned offense.

"Whatever, How do you know I wanted to go to _that_ one.?" I teased, not willing to admit there was a reason for wanting to go.

"Well, I know for a fact it is your favorite, plus I hear they have some good eye candy for you." she laughed at me.

"Shut up. I'll see you there." I exited the call.

On the way to the petite little coffee shop, I clicked my iphone into the little tape connecter, and listened to the soothing sounds of Joshua Radin, Ingrid Michealson, and The Shins.

_Don't delay. Something tells me I gotta go away  
Maybe it's the way we always stay, when our hearts have gone_

We can't hold us anymore, no we've got to fold  
Down to the floor, yes I know it's cold but baby our hearts have gone 

I love listening to the words of songs, and seeing how much I actually feel what artist is saying. Ingrid Michealson was a master at making my life into a song, at least I felt that way.

I pulled into the parking lot filled with tiny cars, making my truck look like a giant monster.

I killed the engine and as if my truck didn't already stick out like a sore thumb, it backfired.

I looked around, with a blush creeping up my face. Every one in the parking lot threw themselves to the ground, minus one person. Alice was doubled over in laughter, leaning against her car.

I rolled my eyes and made my way over to Alice, while everyone got up off the ground.

"Thanks for being so helpful Alice." I shot a look at her.

"Bella, stop being a tight wad, or get a new vehicle. You know your truck does that at least 3 times a day."

I nodded my head in defeat.

We pushed through the stained glass doors, and all eyes were on us, including the baristas.

"What the hell?" I looked at Alice, who held a guilty smile.

"I'll tell you about it later." She mouthed.

Sometimes, this little pixie had way to many tricks up her sleeve.

We ordered drinks, and sat down in a little cozy sitting area by the fire place.

"Sooo." I stated, trying to get Alice to talk.

"Well, I came in here yesterday." She began with a sheepish smile. "I was talking to my brother, and he couldn't stop asking me questions about you. You have made some impression on him."

"How?" I laughed at her.

"Look at you Bella, you are beautiful, whitty, and smart." Alice motioned towards me. "How could he not be intrested?"

"Oh hmm, maybe cause he doesn't know a thing about me, we have never talked!" I quipped.

"I gave him your number." Alice blurted out.

Here eyes got wide and her hand flew to her mouth, clearly not meaning to tell me that.

"Alice!" I seethed. "You are unbelievable."

"Oh Bella, I am sorry!" She was quick to apologies. "I always have to meddle when I have a good feeling. I told him he isn't aloud to call you until you two actually have a conversation."

I rolled my eyes dramatically, I have never seen Alice this way and I found it amusing.

"Whatever." I scoffed pretending to still be angry, until I heard sniffles.

I looked over at Alice who had her head in her hands. "I just ruined our friendship." She sobbed. "I suck at life."

"No!" I got up from my arm chair, and sat next to her wrapping my arms around her.

Alice started giggling uncontrollably.

"I got you so bad!" she laughed bouncing up and down.

"Ugh." I rolled my eyes and returned to my seating.

"Don't worry Bella. Alice is infamous for pulling people's legs like that." Edwards smooth voice came from behind me. again.

"Hi." I said meekly.

"Hi." Edward mocked.

"You know, I am starting to think you are stalking me." I quipped, raising an eyebrow in his direction.

Edward laughed and shook his head, "Bella, you are the one coming to my coffee shop."

"Ah," I nodded. "That is true, in my defense I didn't know it was _yours_ until two days ago."

Edward laughed and sat down in the comfortable chair next to me, pulling out a book.

Alice got up with her purse. "Alright well I have to go. I have a meeting with a prospective client."

"What?" My eyes bugged a little, she was leaving me here with Edward.

"I have a meeting." Alice winked. "Call you later Bells."

I accidentally groaned aloud, and I swear I heard Edward chuckle.

Deciding to follow Edward lead, I went to my book bag and pulled out my copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ _And Zombies_. I opened up to my book marked page and started reading.

"How is your son?" I looked up to find Edward turned towards me, his feet propped up on the table.

"Austin is good." I smiled as soon as I started talking about him. "He loves being in Rosalie's class."

"That's good." Edward flashed me a warming smile.

"He knows about the divorce, and neither Jake or I have said anything about it yet. I mean, we live separately now. But that is still a lot for a 7 year old to understand, and he taking it so.. well." I told him surprised at how easy it was talking about this to him.

Edward crunched his eyebrows together, and opened his mouth to say something, but shook his head instead and stayed quiet.

"What?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

Edward looked at me with a smile that said _you caught me_. "Sorry, I was going to ask what happened between you and Jake, but I didn't think it was my place to ask."

"You don't know?" I raised my eye brows at him, surprised that Alice hasn't said anything.

"I am _very_ surprised Alice hasn't told you." I voiced my thoughts.

"Alice said it wasn't her story to tell." Edward explained. "You must mean a lot to her, she loves to gossip."

I spent the next our telling Edward everything that happened to me in the last 8 years. Jake and I dating, how I never felt completely comfortable being with him. How Jacob swayed me, and how he told me it was meant to be when I got pregnant. When we got married at the ripe age of 18, and how much my son meant to me despite the short comings of Jacob.

"Bella, you are incredible." Edward praised me.

"Why? I fell in _love_," I used the word love with a hint of anger. "when I was 17, had a kid, and stupidly got married when I knew I shouldn't have done any of it. That is stupid right there."

"I can't say that the choices you made were always the best, but to see you here now, remodeled into a confident woman is fascinating." he told me.

"I can just tell by the way you carry yourself that you _know _who you are, and forgive me if this is stepping over the line, but that is fricken' sexy." Edward continued.

The last part of his sentence cause me to turn pink.

"I do know who I am. I also know that no man will ever take advantage of me again." I told him, throwing that last part out as a warning.

"Any man that tried to take advantage of you, is not worth your time, Bella."

* * *

**AN: I am really saddened about the publicity of this story, it isn't getting ANY attention.**

**Review if you read, lemmie know what you think!  
This story might go on hiatus if I don't get any feedback on it.**


	7. Big Jumps

**AN: Okay, it has been a while. I have my hands full. **

**I read my original chapter three, and I hated it. So this is my revised version. **

**Sorry that is sucked! :X**

** Be all aware. I plan to completely draw out the BxE romance. I want to make you all cling on to the anticipation.**

** My focus is simply on my main story: Something I was not Expecting. **

**Once I get that finished, this story will be number one! :)**

** I have more story Ideas. They are just popping up, but I think that finishing these three are more important before I introduce the others. If you love this story and my other story, be sure to check out Razorblade. I love to go for controversial subjects. I try my hardest to make sure my ideas are some what unique in ways. I know every thing has been done before, but I hope I can add my own twist to the stories I write.**

** I am reading some books right now. The more I read and write I think my writing skill improves. Lets hope the masses' think so. One day I will be a famous writer! **

**:P**

** Here is your Ch. _3_ (_re-write_) of One More Time with Feeling!**

* * *

_"The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on."_

_-Chuck Palahniuk_

_**Starting now**__ By Ingrid Michaelson_

_I want to crawl back inside my mother's womb  
I want to shut out all the lights in this room  
I want to start fresh, like a baby in a sink  
Scrub away all these thoughts that I think of you_

_So life moves slowly when you're waiting for it to boil  
Feel like I watch from 6 feet under the soil  
Still want to hold you and kiss behind your ears  
But i re count the countless tears that i lost for you_

_But before you finally go there's one thing you should know: That I promise -_

_Starting now I'll never know your name  
Starting now I'll never feel the same  
Starting now I wish you never came into my world_

_I want to crawl back inside my bed of sin  
I want to burn the sheets that smell like your skin  
Instead I'll wash them just like kitchen rags with stains  
Spinning away every piece that remains of you_

_But before you finally go there's one thing you should know: That I promise -_

_Starting now I'll never know your name  
Starting now I'll never feel the same  
Starting now I wish you never came into my world_

_It's my world, it's not ours anymore  
It's my world, it's not ours anymore_

_Starting now I'll never know your name  
Starting now I'll never feel the same  
Starting now I wish you never came into my world_

* * *

The bright sunny light came bursting into my room with force.

Good morning Seattle. Thanks for being sunny on my one day to sleep past 8am.

This past week, I had been spending my hours at work, and off of work, at the coffee shop. I found a certain owner kept me coming back every day.

Edward and I talked a little more then normal, but nothing out of the ordinary, just some small talk here and there. However, he left me feeling like a 12 year girl mooning after a celebrity, and that was not OK with me. I will not, absolutely can not, fall for this _Edward Cullen_ character. He is charming, good looking, built, and kind. Absolutely spells trouble for me.

Not to mention, I have been out the game for so long. I had been with Jake for over 8 years now, and before then I had no experience. Mr. Cullen was too pretty to be inexperienced, thus we could never work well. I'd always feel inadequate.

I was too focused on discovering _me_, and focusing on getting my life back and focusing on Austin. I felt bad that he had to go through a divorce at such a young age, but I figure that being apart from Jake was healthier for the both of us, no telling what kind of emotional void I would become 10 years from now.

I sighed rolling over to my side to get out of bed, while rubbing all of the sleep out of my eyes. I caught sight of my reflection in the giant mirror attached to my dresser.

"Ah, that's not scary." I mumbled to myself, attempting to pat down my bird's next, that I call my hair.

I felt like I haven't slept in ages, that is what stress does to you I suppose.

"MOOOOOOMMM!" Austin called from what sounded the like living room.

I heaved a sigh, and walked out of my bedroom, grabbing my black zip hoodie to cover up my spaghetti strapped shirt with, it was cold in the apartment today.

"What baby?" I groggily croaked, as I stifled a yawn.

"I am hungry, will you make me breakfast?" Austin asked, using his damn big deep eyes that I was a prisoner for.

I smirked at the mini person who I loved. "Sure you little punk." I pulled Austin into a hug an took a big fake whiff.

"EEEEWW BUDDY!" I mock squealed.

"Moooooooommmmmm!" Austin complained.

"If you want some bfast, you better shower." I laughed as I ruffled his messy brown hair.

"Fine, I'll even tidy up my room if you through in some chocolate chips." Austin bargained with eyebrows raised excitedly.

I swatted his bottom as he started to leave towards the bathroom, "Get that tush outta here buddy. I'll see about the chocolate chips."

Austin ran out of my reach after I swatted his bum, and ran all the way to the bathroom giggling.

I began making the pancake mixture, from scratch, because I could never make anything pre-made. Austin came in from the bathroom when I was to the point of pouring two mini chocolate chip pancakes into the large skillet, with his dampened hair.

"Yay!" Austin yelled as he peered over my shoulder, then proceeded to hop into the living room to watch Saturday morning cartoons.

"Austin sweetie, your breakfast is ready." I called as I finished up breakfast and served it.

Austin and I ate breakfast, and afterwords I asked him to clean up, washing dishes, and putting the dirty ones into the empty washer. I had to get a shower and ready for the day Jake was coming to get Austin till tomorrow after noon. I was trying to let him have some time with our son, but it was actually starting to bother me. I was missing my son, and relishing in the time I did have with him.

Thinking of how lonely I would be tonight I shot a text to Alice and Rosalie.

_I will be alone tonight, need help not getting depressed. Girls night? Margaritas and pizza? Sad or funny chick flicks? Let me know what you guys think.. _

_-Bells_

* * *

Bella's journal:

_A vintage hope clouds my mind. The kind of hope we only read about. Hope with relationships, career and in general life. Sometimes I have to take a step back, to evaluate myself. Most times when I do so, I become dissatisfied with who I am. This is a normal reaction. Any man who looks into a mirror and says he see's nothing wrong has a flawed judgment. There is something incorrect about every singly human on the face of this naturally turning earth._

Yesterday, today and tomorrow I will look into the mirror and dissect myself. I know what I don't like and what I would like to improve, the question is, how do I go about fixing my flaws? Will I make that effort to fix my self?

Today I stand, in front of my retched floor length mirror. My appearance is never what I wish it _could be. I am short, skinny and have womanly curves. I wish I was taller, and less curvy looking. I wish that my hair was brighter, and that my skin shined. However none of these things on the out side were me.  
_

_ However on the inside I feel broken, and lost. I am figuring out who I want to be, and growing as myself. The inside of me tells me that I am who I long to look like, my personality, what defines who I am. After about 8 years in a damaged relationship, and losing myself I am determined to figure out who Bella Swan is._

_  
I am a soon to be divorcee. Mother of a seven year old son named Austin. My friends are Austin's teacher, my divorce lawyer's wife, and the assistant owner of my publishing company._

_ My heart is aching from the years wasted in that damaging relationship. _

_ My heart is healing with the possibilities life has to offer._

_ Even though there are days were I sit in my room when Austin is at school, and cry my soul out, I have never felt so much hope before in my life. Things can only go up from here. I have hit my rock bottom_

After I wrote that last word, I set down my ball point pin and re-read my entry. I had taken a liking to writing in a journal. It kept me from going insane.

I glanced at the clock and sighed. I suppose I should take a long relaxing bubble bath before the girls come over.

I walked into my bathroom and set the tub and bubbles. I placed a clip in my hair, and set my hair straightener, I needed a big confidence boost today. This is why the ladies where coming over tonight, I needed girl time, alcohol, and chick flicks. I only watched chick flicks to escape reality, and live in a fantasy world for 115 minutes.

It felt like I was soaking in the Mr. bubbles induced bath for 3 hours, and by the time I looked at my hands, I was pruning. I got out of the bath smelling like lilacs and strawberries, and wrapped a navy blue towel around me, walking to the mirror and flat iron and pulled my long cherry brown hair out of the crab clip. I ran the flat iron through my hair quickly, smoothing out the waves, but not completely straitening my hair. I then pulled my hair back in the crab clip and scrubbed myface, towel dried it, and put lotion on, before making my way to my bedroom.

I decided to dress in my long sleeved maroon, plaid long sleeved flannel shirt, jeans, and flat black knee high boots. Once I felt like my outfit make me look good, then I proceeded to walk into the bathroom and applied some light makeup. Just as I was brushing some blush across my cheeks, the girls knocked on my apartment. I checked my appearance and went to go answer the door.

There stod Alice and Rose. Alice help up a bottle of Jose _Cuervo_ and a bottle of strawberry tequila mix. Rose had a large pizza and three chick flicks in her hands. Both held hopeful expressions.

"Hey guys, come in, set the junk in the kitchen." I nodded my head to the back.

"You look cute Bella!" Both of them squealed.

I grabbed the tequila from Alice and opened it, taking a swig. I blushed. "Thanks guys, you have no idea how much I need this night."

Both of them sized me up, then nodded, forcing their way into the small apartment. Rose popped in the movie, Never Been Kissed, and Alice pulled out my blender, immediately making margaritas. A big wide grin spread across my face, I felt well taken care of. These girls were the best.

I sat down to watch the movie and curled up next to Rosalie, and let a few tears streak my face. I quickly wiped them away so no one knew. While I was happy to be free, and excited about my new life, that didn't mean I had a heart of stone. The divorce still stung me like salt in an open wound.

30 minuted into the movie we all had a 16oz glass of strawberry margarita, and were intently watching the movie. I was sipping on my drink at a rather fast pace, and I had the feeling of having to go to the bathroom, so I got up, and immediately regretted standing up.

"WOAH!" I said with laughter as I grabbed the edge of the couch.

"You need help Bella?!" Alice asked, trying to hold in her laughter, while sizing up my nearly empty cup.

"Shut up Alice, I never drink. I have no tolerance." I giggled as I skipped off to the bathroom.

After I did my business, I waltzed into the living room and plopped myself down next to Rose, and grabbed my cup, happily.

"OH!" Alice exclaimed excitedly. "Jasper called while you were in the potty, they boys are coming over in, " Alice glanced down at her watch. "an hour with beer. "

I shrugged, "That is cool Al, you know I love Emmett and Jazz!"

"Well its not just those two." Rosalie told em.

"What? Who else?" I asked.

"Well, Edward wanted to come by as well." Alice nearly mumbled.

"OH CRAP!" I exclaimed as I was taking two big gulps of margarita.

"oh well, I have a margarita down and two swigs of tequila down, I can handle your sexy brother!" I laughed.

"You think my brother is sexy?" Alice asked, with a devilish smile in place.

"Uhm?" I shuddered realizing what I had said. We eventually drifted back into the movie.

Near the end of the movie the front door opening pulled me out of my daze.

"Hey hey Bella!" Emmett exclaimed as he picked me up, causing me to squeal.

"Hey there Emmett!" I said, a bit to happily.

"Is Ms. Bella drunk?" Emmett was on the verge of laughing.

"No!" I jumped out of his arms, and smacked him playfully on the arm.

"I just feel great!" I nodded my head defiantly, denying the fact that the alcohol was giving me false happyness.

"Good, good Bells." Emmett chuckled at my enthusiasm, as he walked towards Rose.

Jasper Followed suit, nodding kindly towards me and walking in to greet Alice.

Edward however, stood awkwardly in my door way looking around, as if he were waiting for my approval. He almost looked nervous

"You can come in, you know?" I nodded toward the living room, motioning for Edward to step in side.

Edward gave me a charming smile before coming inside. "Hey Bella."

I smiled at him and chuckled, positive that the effects of tequila were making me lose the control I had over my obvious pink blush. "Hi."

I skipped back to the couch Rose and I were sharing, but found it was empty. Rose was on the floor snuggled up to Emmett. I looked to the love seat and found Alice wrapped up in Jasper's arms. There were only a few spots left. I had one spot on the couch, Edward could sit on the floor, or he could sit on the couch. Part of me hoped he would keep his distance and sit on the floor. The other part of me wanted him to sit on the couch. Edward sat on the couch, that one part of me cheered, and the other groaned. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the fact that I was developing a tiny crush on the mesmerizing man Edward Cullen.

Edward looked over at me catching me staring awkwardly at him. He chuckled under his breath, then leaned towards me to as what movie we were watching.

"Defiantly not this fricken' chick flick." Emmett over heard him, walking over to my dvd stand pulling out a movie called 'Hot Rod'. "This is perfect Bella. I love this movie."

I rolled my eyes. Hot rod was an entertain movie. It was a good pick for the night, something to make me laugh, and something rather easy going. The bad thing about this movie is it didn't take a whole lot of attention to watch it, and mixed with alcohol I was very tempted to get to know Edward better.

Emmett popped the movie into the player, and took drink orders before walking into the kitchen. The girls asked for another margarita, and the guys all got a beer. Edward jumped up to go help Emmett, and returned with a beer and a margarita, handing the pink blended drink to me.

I gave him a smile in thanks.

Every one resumed their positions, and began to watch the movie. Not 20 minutes into the movie everyone except Edward and I had fallen asleep.

"Wow, we are a lively bunch." I nodded my head towards the lame couples asleep in my living room.

Edward turned his attention from the movie, to see what I was talking about. He raised his head and laughed to him self, then turned to me.

"So how are you doing with everything?" Edward asked in a caring tone.

I was rather shocked that he cared enough to ask. "I am doing, just okay."

"I mean it hurts like hell to realize I trusted someone with my heart, and they didn't care enough to take good care of it. Not to mention that is the father of my son, the only male role model he has in his life beside my dad. It scares me when he is with Jake, I am afraid he will learn his bad habits." I rambled on, admitting my fears to him.

Edward furrowed his brows while I was talking. "I can see your point. Maybe Jazz, Em, and I could take Austin out sometime, get some more male role models in his life?"

Edward was too kind and caring for my good. "You really don't have to do that, but I would love it."

"Good." He smiled.

Edward looked forward, and opened his mouth a few times before slamming it shut.

"Maybe I could take you out sometime as well?" He finally spoke, sounding nervous.

"Edward.." I hesitated.

"Not like a date or anything, if you don't want it to be like that. I would just like to get to know you better, you intrigue me." Edward cut me off before I could say no.

I couldn't deny his request. I may not be ready to date, but I am ready for good friends. Edward has that potential.

"Okay Edward. We can hang out sometime. As friends." I gave in.

Edward sighed and gave me a big excited smile. What have I done?

* * *

**AN: Okay, so its not quite a NEW chapter, I took most of what I had written, but I added to it. I think it is much better, much more interesting, and gives me something to go off of for the next chapters. **

**I hope you enjoyed the rewrite. **

**If not tell me why!!**

**Review for me please!**


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